Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Listening

Deb at Hoping for Grace posted this striking quote a while back:

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say. - Kahlil Gibran

I have been having trouble really listening to Scott lately - really hearing him or offering compassion. More often, I have been aggravated or frustrated, giving up on him until he gets over it. He is on an emotional roller-coaster right now, coming off the nic for good, and he has little ability to see the world outside himself, and I have little patience for it. We are a real pair.

"Listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say." He has not felt comfortable in his own skin. He has not felt like being around people. He has not expressed much love toward me. He has not said anything hopeful in a while. Maybe I can give him some kindness, some love, some space, and some hopeful things to think on.

He has not said he does not love me. He has not said he is bored or sick of it all. He has not said he will start smoking again (thank God). So maybe I need to chill, give it some time. He has not said he gave up on having a baby. He never said that. I need to stop my traveling mind in its tracks.

What do you do when you don't know which direction to take next? Keep going forward until you know.

Relax, kitty. Hopeful thought: this isn't going to last forever. This isn't all there is to us. We are so much more, so much good.

Breathing.

~Al

3 comments:

bella said...

This was lovely, and gave me much to think on.
How quickly I fill in the blanks, assuming that I "know", when what has he really said and not said?
Splendid.

Kristin H. said...

Allison~you seem to be handling it well. At least your post says as much. Give me a "write" anytime and we can talk more at length (should you choose.)

Marie said...

Allison, one thing I have learned about life is that it is like the ocean with it's ebbs and flows and flotsam drifting about. I always just tell myself that this too shall pass and get through it as best as I can. It always does pass and hopefully I will have learned something in the process. ((((hugs)))) I wish we lived closer so we could have a good old gab!