SWDB: February 11, 2019

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...

Monday, February 11, 2019

Outside my window...
The sun is actually shining! It has been such weird weather in NH this winter (global warming). Warm like 60 degrees F then freezing in the 30s then zero then 55....this morning as I was trying to get Jack to put on his hat and gloves [a little passion play of the human struggle we like to enact every morning], he says, "Mom, winter is basically over!" "Um, kid, no it's not. We have at least two more months of winter left! Put your hat and gloves on!" [He did not. And, scene.}

I am thinking...

that the use of more than one exclamation mark is annoying (even though I do it) and the use of more than one question mark in an email is downright obnoxious! It really stresses a person out! It implies, "you dummy" after whatever they just said. Example: "Did you finish putting the dishes away?? [you dummy]." I think we should ban it altogether.

I am thankful...

that my children are growing. It is bittersweet, and as predicted, God is delightfully sweeping away all the memories of the trauma and fucked-up-edness that ensued in their years of being little, and all I am peacefully left with is the beautiful photos and the memories of their precious little bodies draped over a shoulder or snuggling into me on the rocking chair. [Not the screaming tantrums and fucking spoiled milk smell everywhere, the piles of filthy tiny clothes that seem insurmountable, or literally cutting shirts off Jack and throwing them away bc he had pooed so much.] I wish for baby moments again. I'm not gonna lie - the thought of swaddling an infant, soothing her, and then rocking her for an hour while I sing is a little slice of heaven. [I have been enjoying this with Baby Zachary, my bf-adjacent grandbaby.] But my children and I are having more fun together now - and we can do things I really like, such as outings, explorations, travel planning, and playing board games, card games, and car games [Laurel, you can imagine the joy I get with these game-players!!!]. They are finally learning to express their feelings in a verbal way that makes sense. Barely. But still, I can see we are making progress. And they can get themselves in and out of the car, the bed, and the clothes, and mostly the bathroom, without me. Phenomenal. Now I can breathe...for a split second.

I am wearing...

my verrry old but still looks new dark red Eddie Bauer sweater - I swear, their clothes last FOREVER! I wish I could afford to buy them more often! I always feel good in red.

I am creating...

...good grief, but there are a lot of projects underway. I echo Val's sentiment, it's all just possibilities and creativity laying around to inspire me [and NOT a mess of unfinished projects, ahem]. There are writing projects, art projects, sewing projects, the infamous "baby quilt" (a ha ha ha, but by God, if I have to sew it from my deathbed ** it WILL happen), unwritten cards that have been earmarked for this person or this (bygone) occasion. Cleaning projects, sorting projects, charity projects, office projects, gardening projects, and journals to document said unfinished projects. Actually, this is making me sick to my stomach. ;) Next question.

I am going...
to the dentist this afternoon. I love the dentist bc for 40 minutes, I cannot get anything else done...and so I have to sit and relax. It is such a relief to be in that chair, escaping from life for 40 blissful minutes. Well, the teeth cleaning doesn't exactly enhance the experience. But nothing's perfect.

I am wondering...

everything. As always. I read Mary Oliver's poem, "Worrying," and I truly meant to get something out of it, I did. I appreciated it because it is wise and she wrote it [may she rest in peace; and come back as part of my life]. But it's not like I'm going to quit worrying. That is hard-wired into my DNA! I am a worrisome Virgo, raised by a sensitive, creative Cancer and a well-meaning, workaholic Capricorn. One was Methodist, one Catholic. Both later Atheists, when I was longing for God. How the fuck am I supposed to escape worrying with that recipe????? It's a LIFESTYLE! The point is, there's a LOT on my mind. All question marks, no answers, as per usual. The one solid thing in my life is my strange little family: ex-husband, two children, aging mother, and half-time boyfriend. Together, they keep the gears turning. I love them.

I am reading...

Well you are not going to believe this, but I HAVE been grown-up reading! I started an Edith Wharton book I truly meant to enjoy but just don't. And then read wayyy into a book called Yoga School Dropout, which is like Eat, Pray, Love on yogic steroids. I am going to try to finish it, but am about 100 pgs from the end and I'm kinda done already. [Note to writer-self: know when to end.] And I finished (!) a tiny book called Seedfolks which I highly recommend to anyone vaguely interested in either gardening or building community...or if you need the accomplishment feeling of finishing a book. A beautiful book by Paul Fleishman.

I am hoping...

to purge the fuck out of my house. Of course I have no time, money (for supplies bc these projects always end up needing supplies, fucking Marie Kondo...), or partner to help with this. But a girl can dream. Maybe I can rope in Rachel....

I am learning...

to not wait for Coach to put me in....but just to run onto the court. So that's what I'm doing. And it feels great!

In my garden...

[i can't even]

In my kitchen...

are the remains of the two - yes TWO - adult-type meals I cooked for the children. Not that they ate hardly any. But at least they got to see what a real meal looks like! #howmanyfishsticks #howmuchmacncheese #saveme

A favorite quote for today...

"Don't accept that others know better than you." - v wise fortune cookie

A peek into one of my days...

One of my favorite things...
is writing. I need to do this so much more often.

Post Script
If you don't know how to get to your goals, just keep walking forward. You may wake up one day and be there! 

Thank you for reading.
~Ally

for Friday

 (photo by Scott Snyder)

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 

Sharin' the burrito lovin'

So I decided to "pay it forward" today, when I saw a homeless man with his hand-scrawled cardboard sign saying, "Anything will help. God bless" standing outside on the coldest night of the year. It has been between -15 and 5 degrees Fahrenheit for the last few days in Concord, and it is bitterly cold.

He stood bundled up in the coats he had, at a busy traffic intersection by a strip mall. I did not have any cash - I rarely do anymore, now that most places take a credit/debit card. I rustled through the car looking for my pregnancy snacks - which at this point, consist of a mostly-eaten bag of trail mix, a frozen solid granola bar, and a few frozen water bottles. Not exactly helpful. I thought, "Do I hand him my emergency pair of socks or Dad's IOWA sweatshirt to keep warm?" What is the right thing to do in these situations - I never know. I do know that doing nothing is rarely an option, and I would rather err on the side of gullible and taken advantage of than cold-hearted and blind to the suffering around me.

So you give a 'bum' $20 and he spends it on alcohol. Well, what if he spends it on food to feed his freezing children who are huddled under the bridge in a cardboard box, and likely will not make it through this cold night? That's a chance I am willing to take.

This man is my community, my neighbor, in my town. He is 'my people.' And there are plenty of homeless folks in Concord, all quite chilly tonight. There are a few homeless shelters, and yes, not everyone takes advantage of them. It is statistically true that many homeless people suffer from various forms of mental illness. Does this make them not worthy of warmth, shelter, clothes on their back or food in their bellies? If their pride or insanity keeps them from going to a shelter, does this mean that freezing to death is justified?

So what I did, misdirected or not, was swing around the block, get Scott's and my dinner at Boloco as planned, and pick up a $10 Boloco gift card for the homeless man. I thought, burrito: sustaining rice, fresh vegetables, hearty meat - hot meal that can be eaten with the hands and without utensils (or pretense)...what's not to love? This whole process took about 5 minutes.

I drove back through the previous intersection, snow piled high on both sides, and he was gone. This has happened to me before, and I don't know (karmically) what it means.

But now I drive around town with my Boloco gift card, ready to be handed out the window the next time I see one of my Concord neighbors suffering in this blistering cold winter weather. I encourage you to do the same.

burrito gift card: $10. minutes spent getting a gift card: 5. saving a life (or just warming a heart for a minute, showing someone you care about their existence in this world): priceless.

Pass it on.

~Ally

p.s. Tonight we tried the Bangkok Thai burrito with chicken and the Classic Mexican with pork - yummmmm-tastic! Scott wanted to drive back to town to get more, though he was full! He especially loved the Thai, and so did I.

December

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

~~~~

I love this poem, friends. Sorry I have been out of touch - but it's for a good reason! I am finally pregnant! Scott and I will be expecting our first child together in July. I have been sooo verrrry sleepy these past three months. Hoping the energy will return soon, as well as my words. Thinking of all you readers and wishing you a very happy and special holiday season. Love, Al

The Lights of Life are Shining

On December 1, something very special will happen in Concord, New Hampshire. Every year, Concord Regional Visiting Nurse Association (CRVNA) and Hospice fills our town, and the surrounding towns of Contoocook, Penacook, Pittsfield, Henniker, and Hillsboro, with hundreds of electric window candles. Downtown businesses, shopkeepers, and restaurant owners light these candles in their windows, so that every evening in December, the memory of loved ones who have passed shines for all to see.

Anyone can make a monetary donation or simply add a loved one’s name to the Lights of Life Honor Roll. The list of names will be published in the Concord Monitor at some point during the week of December 5. You can visit http://www.crvna.org/donations/lightsoflife.php for more information.

CRVNA holds a ceremony on December 3 to celebrate life and honor the people we carry in our hearts from year to year. Mom, Scott, and I will be there.

These are the names I added to the list this year:

Larry Cox

Les Cox

Lee Holman

Kenny Cox

Katie Gober

Caralee Ladd

Anne Heine

Frans Amelinckx

Jack Savage

Tom Little

Casey Migacz

Pete Vanderboom

Tip Snyder

Mae Beck

You are among heroes, each of you ~ the most beautiful, most true, most loved, and we remember you fondly.

Celebrate these wonderful people with me, and if you have the chance to drive through Concord, enjoy the beautiful candles and pick one for your special person. Happy Holidays!

~Ally

Free Things to Do Over the Holidays

For those of us economically challenged this year, I compiled a list of cost-free activities you can enjoy - depending, of course, on your weather, location, and resources. If you have some other suggestions, or location-specific additions, please Comment below!

Fun and Free - for a Holly Jolly

1. Sing Christmas carols. If you don't remember the words, look them up here.

2. Take a walk while holding the hand of a friend (or spouse or niece or the leash of a puppy). Hold hands while crossing the street - no, you are not too old to do it.

3. Play "catch the snowball" with your dog - hours of fun!

4. Write a family Gratefulness list to hang on the wall. Add things as they pop into your mind three days later.

5. Put some of your photos into albums...it's time. Or if you have three bazillion digital photos stored in your computer, print some of those bad boys.

6. Tell the children funny stories about when their parents were growing up. Try explaining the concept of Atari (and don't worry - they will think you are totally lame, but we know you are wicked cool). Give them the old "we walked to school uphill both ways, barefoot" story. It's time they heard it again.

7. Play board games like Taboo, Balderdash, Scrabble, Life, and Stratego, or card games like Hearts, Gin Rummy, SlapJack, Euchre or Spades.

8. Make a fort in the living room out of chairs and blankets, with rationed goodies inside (Cheezits, Cheerios, chocolate chips, cookies - apparently foods that start with "C").

9. Put on your favorite album that you forgot about. Play it loud. Lie next to the speaker and listen for incredible harmonic undertones. Marvel at the genius of Dave Matthews...or Dave Brubeck. Or any other Dave you happen to like.

10. Practice putting on makeup. You never quite learned it right the first time, did you? Me neither.

11. Soap up everyone's hair and see who can make the most funny hair sculpture. YouTube it, Baby!

12. Get big pieces of paper and make your "Map of the World," including anything important in your world. Share it with a friend.

13. Write in your journal. I know you have some thoughts just waiting to spill out. Or if not, try your hand at a Haiku (5-7-5). Poetry always cheers the soul.

14. Play in the snow! Try building an igloo. You're gonna need a bucket of water and some good warm gloves. If it's the first snowfall of the season, get your boots on and stomp a message in a big open field!

15. Clean out your closets [for the dear Capricorns who have to do something useful before they can be frivolous]; then rip apart the panty hose that always strangle you. Life is too short for that kind of pain.

16. Make hard boiled eggs. You do have time.

17. If you are somewhere warm, go swimming on behalf of those of us freezing in New England!

18. Tell your dad you love him. Do it.

19. Do a favor for your neighbor: get groceries, shovel a walkway, wash the car, take out the trash barrels, or walk the dog (who will become instantly devoted to you).

20. Decorate the house with crazy stuff you found in the yard (thinking more along the lines of pine boughs, berries, sticks, and grapevines than of grass clippings and dog doo...you knew that, right?).

Have fun, dears! There is no reason we have to go broke just because it's Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Santa's Time, or just winter. Or summer, for those of you south of the border. Today is a day you can enjoy. Tell me how you'll spend yours! I am going to a free Christmas concert (in which Mom is singing!) with the fam, the kiddies, and the porkiest, cutest baby you ever saw. Yay.

Love, Ally xo

Winter in New Hampshire

There are Mom and Dad at their house.

Can you believe this snow?  The front windows are nearly covered by the snow from this winter and from clearing off the roof.  Must be dark in there!

For more beautiful winter pics, check out Scott's nature photography at Rock, Water and Light.

If you have time, start at the December 14 posting and work your way up.

Allison