Wednesday, June 18, 2008

i still am (or am i?)

felt like doing this again. a week later and a chapter wiser. am i?

i am . . .

i am: up too late, again.
i think: i could really be happy writing for a living.
i know: how to raise one eyebrow at a time.
i want: an English Setter.
i have: an invitation to read one of my poems on Thursday night and for some reason, i cannot commit to it. why?
i wish: i could have two years off work to write and have babies.
i hate: sweet pickles.
i miss: my Grandma Dorothy. she's too far away.
i fear: that i will have trouble getting unemployment pay. [last week's was: losing my job. a ha ha ha.]
i feel: like taking the summer off. shhh - Scott'll have an aneurysm.
i hear: the fridge making its night sounds - translation: go to bed.
i smell: mold - it's settling into the grass, so hot and damp and muggy. it's killing my allergies.
i crave: sweets, pretty much all the time.
i search: the internet for interesting jobs close to home.
i wonder: how the stars feel. (celestial, not Hollywood)
i regret: not pursuing the Communications major in college - and frankly can't remember what changed my mind about it.
"i love: you" is the most powerful phrase on earth.
i ache: most days. fibromyalgia will do that to ya. lately it's OK.
i care: about my fellow bloggers. that strikes me as odd and sweet and freakish and scary and human all at the same time. you?
i always: double check my work. unless i don't.
i am not: too old to become a mother. but i did get the brochure.
i believe: in the power of ... (ellipses)
i dance: to stay sane.
i sing: to worship a God i can't name.
i cry: when i see humans being really good to each other.
i don’t always: order a turkey sandwich. but i usually do.
i fight: with myself more than anyone.
i write: and i feel alive.
i win: the prize at longest string of crap jobs that don't make sense with the price tag on my education.
i lose: sight of scott when i get caught up in bossing him around.
i never: forget to lock the door. if it's unlocked, i meant to do that.
i confuse: people sometimes when i "talk-to-think" - my words can't keep up with my thoughts and i leave out some connecting details.
i listen: to country music now, and i absolutely love it.
i can usually be found: with this laptop burning my lap at night. why do they get so hot underneath?
i am scared: of being wrong about God after all.
i need: to feel appreciated and recognized in order to feel content. say what you will, i just do.
i am happy about: the possibility that life could be very long and i could work out several of my dilemmas before it's over.

what about "i hope"?
i hope: scott and i can still go on our vacation. [for a discussion on hope, see this. for a discussion on my vacation, see this.]
i'm grateful for: my nieces, my husband, Tippy, and you.

Und du?

~Al

2 comments:

Marie said...

Great list Allison. I loved reading it. I should do this myself one day! I think you will be a mother one day soon, and when you are you will enjoy every minute of it.

Kristin H. said...

Being angry while pregnant is not good. So it's a good thing you are no longer at your job. One less thing to worry about should you become pregnant.

I'm back. Let me know what happened at work (if you are up to it.) I'm a good listener (reader.)