For Today...
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Outside my window...
...outside my - office - window, there is a really ugly cement block and an endless array of construction workers who have been building the same tiny room aside a brick building for months. At one point they tore down the most beautiful huge tree that I have loved for years. They replaced it with a row of little bush/trees (arborvitae?), and left the nursery tags on, so someday, the bushes will grow tall and the birds will have to pick off those labels. When I was out earlier today, I saw one of my favorite city sights - a young preschool worker toting a big wagon filled with children. I love those kid wagons.
I am thinking...
(more like feeling) overwhelmed in my life at the moment. I feel like I am inside a tornado - everything swirling around me, pretty much no control over anything, never knowing what's coming (but it's bound to be familiar and the same and still frustrating). I feel overwhelmed with my schedule, my work and workload, my lack of free time this summer, my total lack of quiet time - except for gardening. I feel panicky about the kids and everything in that world. Strapped and hindered by tight finances. Frustrated with things happening around me that I cannot seem to influence. Having a hard time communicating. Feeling lonely and disconnected. Feeling generally crabby and spent and not "up for" what I need to do immediately.
I am thankful...
that I have a job. That I have a mom who lives nearby - my anxiety and agitation over her being gone this summer is simply due to the luxury of having gotten used to her being around. That I have a few people who dearly love me.
I am wearing...
I am creating...
the most peaceful and beautiful garden this year. I am way ahead of last year in terms of getting my seeds and plants in. I have a lot left to do, but it is all gravy at this point, for the most part. The children came and enjoyed themselves TWICE last weekend - was a God-given miracle. Not sure if they will come again, but I am already grateful for those two visits.I am going...
nowhere. This is one of my great frustrations. I need some time off and this summer, the time and money simply do not give way to vacations or even many day trips. I am trying to take the kids on some adventures. So any money will be saved for that. Otherwise, I'm just slogging through. I really need a mental break from work and home responsibilities. I need a serious unwind.
I am wondering...
when the next phase of my life will begin - either in the career realm or the home-making realm. H and I sometimes plan to live together, pick out houses and talk about yards and gardens, goats and chickens. Then sometimes we don't. [Hazards of a sun-Gemini and a rising moon-Gemini.] I have big plans for my next career but so many obstacles stand in the way. I am OK waiting for now, and working on my current job, which I at least half thoroughly enjoy.
I am reading...
not much. I started a few books and some even travel back and forth in my overnight bag. But I haven't opened any in a while. I do continue to peruse several child-rearing books. And "what's the deal with boys" books. And I just got "Two Kisses for Maddy" from the library after reading about it online. Haven't opened yet. Is due in a week. ;)
I am hoping...
to come upon some vacation time or some spontaneous quiet time, so I can get myself back in order.
I am learning...
to try totally new methods of relating in my boyfriend-relationship. No sense re-plowing old ground, right? Time to find some new ways of communicating and relating. This process I find to be difficult and confusing...but also freeing. Am trying to relax considerably.
In my garden...
I accidentally let the composter become a house for wasps - even though I was carefully warned against it (via articles read). So that sucks. I am breaking my back lugging gallons of water back and forth bc we haven't had rain in a while and I have a lot of new things planted. I need to replant all the snap peas. And crap! As I sit here, I realize I never "soak and nick"ed the seeds I meant to plant this afternoon. Shoot. Well, I will plant something else then. I need that garden time like it's an anti-depressant. Or coffee. Actually, garden + anti-depressant + coffee is a POWERFUL combination! :)
In my kitchen...
are a bunch of foods my children refuse to eat and none of the three foods they will consume: mac n cheese (Lucy), fish sticks (Jack), waffles (both). Hmm. This is not good. They come back home tonight.
A favorite quote for today...
"Your family is one of nature's masterpieces." I love this. And I do believe it.
A peek into one of my days...
Cue the circus music....
One of my favorite things...
is the ongoing dream to get three dogs someday: an English Setter (mostly white), a French Bulldog (white), and either an Irish Setter or a Sheltie (or an alternate days, a Great Dane).Post Script
(Jack, Lucy, and friend Piper)
Hand-powered paddle boats at Chucksters - a brilliant invention for little kids (and those of us who always found paddle boats to be fatiguing and annoying)!~Ally
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