http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Outside my window...
is a grey cement block with a cell tower on it. Super boring. But just enough light through my window to grow five beautiful plants. Grateful.

I am thinking...

about the nature of human flexibility. It is a difficult character trait for me to be very good at. But it continues to be necessary more than most other qualities, necessary in succeeding at life.

I am thankful...

for a real family, odd as it is configured, after all. There is me and the kids, my ex, my current partner, and my mom. Throw in some friends and neighborhood buddies, some mom/dad friends (meaning, because of the kids). and some long-losts. It feels like home anyway.

I am wearing...

the same jeans for four days in a row. A sure sign of depression/boredom/the blahs.

I am creating...

children who routinely ask the big questions, wonder about the world and how they can affect it, care about others (even strangers), and seek to know spiritual truths. I am creating children who know who they are and value themselves, all while they learn about each other. They have a lot of theories about a lot of things. Never short on confidence, imagination, or questions. This makes my heart glad.

I am going...to go with the flow with this crazy coronavirus. Everything is a question mark - everything at work, on my calendar, in the future. There's nothing I can do but flow.

I am wondering...

if I will ever get a vacation this year. Like a real vacation. Every one seems to slip just out of reach. I truly need to get away with some me time, some adult time, or I'm gonna go nuts. Part of the depression slog is just a pure lack of vacation. I honestly can't remember the last vacation. For me - probably California last January (ugh), and for the family, Indiana in June. Not sure I have been anywhere since then. Grape Island...which is fun but a whole lot of work. I am talking about relaxation.

I am reading...

 

I am Having So Much Fun Here Without You: A Novel, by Courtney Maum.

I am also addicted to the podcast "Strangers."

I am hoping...

for a vacation. Everything else I thought I had in place just came spontaneously crashing down, so why not shoot for the stars?

I am learning...

to wait. And then wait. And wait some more. Patience....this is taking me a whole life to learn.

In my garden...

I bet the tiny daffodils are sprouting. They certainly are at home! It has been so unseasonably warm. All the little flowers - tulips, daffodils, crocuses, snow drops (!!), day lilies are poking up through the soil and showing their stems. I hope they don't get frozen and crushed with another winter snow - likely - but maybe they won't! If we had a long spring this year, that would make a HUGE difference to my mood. Some time in the garden/dirt would do me a world of good.

In my kitchen...

there are multiple undone or unfinished art projects. My kids seem to have gone off art somewhat. Which is so sad for me as I loved doing art projects with them! Now if I can get them to color for 20 minutes it's a miracle.

A favorite quote for today...

"A balloon only floats when it's filled with helium. So fill up those dreams so they can get off the ground!"

A peek into one of my days...

One of my favorite things...
is the sensory swing. Kinda feel like taking a nap in it right now.

Post Script 

Water what you want to grow.

Thank you for reading.
~Ally

Turning to Gratefulness to Cheer Myself Up

Recently I suffered a bit of a setback in the heart department. Coming to terms square in the face with some disappointing relationships and unmet needs. I am trying to remember to praise for all the wonderful things in my life - and there are many - and not focus on the holes...but the body and spirit feel differently than the logical mind...at least in my case. So I am again utilizing this exercise from christiezimmer.com.

Six things, people, and places you adore:

1. Being kissed and hugged by my boy. Yesterday I saw him in the morning as I dropped off Lucy at her Dad's house. Jack screamed, "Mommy!!!!!!" and gave me the sweetest loves. That boy fills up my heart.
2. I have PLANS TO adore my new office that Bob, Nate, and Rob have created and prepared for me. The walls are a golden yellow/tan color and two walls are "Rachel Pink" (which is truly Rachel and Me pink, from all our trips). There is crisp white ceiling and molding, a pretty sun-filled window, a space for my sewing table - what there was of it - and now, the cube bookcase I have always wanted, with rose back wall and white shelves, in perfect squares. I can't wait to unpack and create a space warm and full of love and Me Space.
3. My garden. The garden road is open again, drive-able. I need to dig out my perennials and take them to my new house. But it's hard to truly imagine giving up that sacred space. Not sure I will.
4. Liz and Tara, two of my coworkers who like to come talk early in the morning. We share stories, feelings, encouragement, and by the end of the workday, laughs, and my classic photos of monkeys doing silly things to cheer us. I am very grateful for them.
5. Doing Girl Scouts with my girl, Lucinda. Tonight we will probably deliver more GS cookies around the neighborhood. Tomorrow we will go to a field trip at the Christa McAuliffe Planetarium and Saturday she has cookie booth at Dunks, allowing me some 1:1 with Jack for an hour. I love her heart for others.
6. I adore my old single life. I have an urge to road trip, to drive to Canada on a whim, to listen to music loudly in the car, to write long journal entries, to have coffee and pie and a cigarette in a Midwestern diner (don't judge me, it's blissful). I miss that girl.

One thing you've worked hard to achieve: 

I have worked hard to achieve a respected reputation at work, to be dependable, reliable, a good writer and editor, a good responder to questions, a problem solver, a contributor (though this also drives people crazy sometimes), to be a good communicator, organized, an excellent planner who pulls off conferences and events making it look seamless and smooth (no matter what's going on in the background), someone who remains professional while others are acting out bad behavior, and someone who chips in and helps, who values teamwork and kindness over back-stabbing and gossip. I am not perfect and some of these areas are more of a struggle for me than others. But I will continue to give respect and hold high standards, in the hopes of getting the same in return. All I can control is me. Today I will work on doing better with my words and keeping them positive and kind.

One thing that's going well right now:

I am doing pretty well at managing out my tax return money. I have a long list of things I want to use it for - some have already been purchased and some are on hold in savings. I am trying to think about priorities when I spend my money. My weakness is always in the dribs and drabs - a coffee here, lunch out bc I didn't take steps to make a lunch, planning $30 for an outing with the kids and accidentally spending an additional $30 on random food nonsense they want or stupid toys.....but I am being conscious about this right now. Noticing my weak spots and working on changing them. I also notice that the deeper I fall into this faith/money project, the more generous I feel with my money - willing to give some up here and there for others bc I am seeing that God is in fact taking care of my basic needs. I am going to keep practicing.
 
Two subjects or pursuits you're passionate about:

I am passionate this year, as I said, in thinking about priorities. How do we spend our time? Our money. Do the things I do each day represent what I say are my priorities and goals? And in lieu of that, where do I need to make adjustments? Some priorities: my kids and their health and social lives/friendships and their sense of safety. I have spent a lot of time and money lately tending to their health - mental and physical - and getting them the swings and weighted blankets (thank you Jesus) for their sense of safety. I have developed a long and sometimes exhausting bedtime routine that they seem to cling to and need, to support their feelings of being at home in my house and feeling safe and loved. I am trying to listen more - to ask them what they think or how they feel and then just hush and listen in case they want to speak and it takes a minute. I am having a lot of friends over to help them develop these important relationships; and in doing so, I am building my mom/dad tribe that I can lean on when I need support. Another priority: time with my sister. I didn't have enough money to take us to go see her. But I am trying to be more available on the phone via text and checking in. I am hoping to receive a visit from her and sent her some money to help out. I am trying to share some thoughts w her that I have kept to myself for a long time, like about my faith and relationships and inner feelings. I know she cherishes that information. Another priority that I need to spend more time and energy on: my relationship with Hoka, and my relationship with Mom. I am working on carving out some space to tend to them in their love languages [H: acts of service, M: quality time]. It's not easy to find the energy for everything but it's important. Also my health - need to quit smoking, need more massage and not to cancel those appts, and need more alone time. Again, how?? Also travel and time with Rachel. Also writing. Oh there are so many. I could go on and on.

I am passionate about my own personal learning and growth over the past year and for the year to come. I am spending time learning new things, sharing them out with others, and facilitating the peer-to-peer learning that is so invaluable (and relatively easy to accomplish). I am putting some time into the adjacent union trainings that supplement my paid work. I am also trying to take advantage of ways to learn how to BE a better trainer - this is something I really want to work on and build my skills. Open to opportunities.

Two people you can count on for warm hugs and kind words:

1. Lucy
2. Caitlyn C.

Three things to look forward to:

1. Listening to part II of Lea Taub's search-for-love story on my new favorite podcast, "Strangers." She is amazing and I love the podcast. I have had the desire to write to every single person she's had on so far. And I may.

2. I am looking fwd to a night in a nice hotel next Thursday and dinner with the friends I only see a few times a year, my conference helpers. It's always a fun time.

3. I am looking forward to escaping this emotional swamp. I don't know if the moon is in a trine or whatever the fuck....but it needs to stop and get on with it. Maybe a little dirty-knees time in my old garden will help. God, I am looking forward to gardening again. I have missed and needed it like you don't even know.

Thank you for reading.
~Ally