* Best Soundtrack Song by Gloomy Indie Band that nobody will ever hear from again
* Best Boy (What is that anyway?)
* Dog that most reminded everyone of that one dog, from that one movie with the dog
* Creepiest Creepy Kid
* Best Tolerance of Nicolas Cage
* Best telephone conversation when no one’s really on the line
* Best Boobs in 3-D
* Best Scene That makes you yell, “He would have so died from that!”
* Best Movie Poster that over promised laughter…by, like, a LOT
* Most Scientologistical
* Most critically lauded film that you saw and were like “What?”
* Best Movie directed by Gary Marshall (never presented)
* Best Performance by a hot actress playing a frump
* Best application of Duane ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s body make-up
* The Ed Begley Jr. Award for most self-righteous Prius driver
* Most bullets fired by a single character
* The “Ooh! It’s Indie!” for most pretentious piece of yuppie-bait
* Best Craft Table Hummus
* Best Performance by restaurant background couple
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