The Rabbit Hole: December 2018

Thursday, December 13, 2018

SWDB: December, 2018

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Thursday, December 13, 2018

Outside my window...
as you are coming up the apartment walkway, you can see our little Christmas tree...and my thriving succulents in their little pots. It is a sweet scene and it makes me happy.

I am thinking...

about what I would like the future to look like - What should it include? What must it have to make us happy? And yes, I do think "being happy" is a worthwhile goal.

I am thankful...

that I had enough real live money - not credit - to get the Christmas shopping done. And that it is done. I also made my blankie for Ethan and game for Silas. Those accomplishments make me feel good. Now it's wrapping and baking time. I do love this time of year - especially when it's not rushed.

I am wearing...

the sweater of a friend from work. She gave me a bag of castoffs and they have breathed a little life into my wardrobe. And I am enjoying wearing her clothes. :)

I am creating...

a poem this morning. A newsletter for my union (have done 10 issues so far). And a long and photo-filled Christmas letter that went out several weeks ago.

I am going...
to take the kids to see a Christmas lights display next week. And to a dance/ballet in January. To California for a union conference and vacation also in Jan. And to the Christmas Eve service - possibly. Haven't decided yet.

I am wondering...

what will happen at work. We are in the middle of a very uncomfortable, uncertain re-org and everyone has been on pins and needles for weeks. It is increasingly stressful and depressing. Holiday break will be a very nice change of scenery.

I am reading...

so many new books once the children open their Christmas presents. Just got my Usborne book order and can't wait to dive in! I am also itching to read some of my own stuff....it COULD happen. Thinking about a nice hot bath and a good book.

I am hoping...

that those who are in my grief group at this (normally) intense and sometimes sad time of year, will know they are not alone and will be able to reach out for help if they need it.

I am learning...

(and only by constant reminders) how to let go of anxiety over the things I cannot change or affect. I am also continuing to learn about waiting. It is often the answer for me these days. A lot of wait and see and don't get too worked up.

In my garden...

Oh, it is very hard to think about my garden right now. I am tangled up over not closing it out fully last year. I am sure there are tools and garbage rotting in my garden plot, or rusting under the tree. If I can get over there this weekend I will at least gather up the tools and get them into my warm office. There were a lot of disappointments in the garden this year, and also a lot of very peaceful, restful moments of solitude. There were a few nice visits too - Mom, Rachel, Hoka, Irv. The children came a couple of times. I just need a home garden; that's all. The seed catalogs are already arriving. But I am not mentally ready to go there yet. And with the possibility of moving this spring, it is difficult to pour a lot of energy into planning the existing garden.

In my kitchen...

it is clean(ish) - dishes are done, counters and table are wiped. Fish have been sorted out. The only things tormenting are the godforsaken paper pile and, on the table, the nonsense kid crap pile. It is all I can do to not slide every single thing in sight into a trash bag. I want to. But that's a really bad idea. (Or is it?)

A favorite quote for today...

"A person's actions will tell you everything you need to know..." (unsure of author)

A peek into one of my days...
includes listening ad nauseum to one irritating co-worker blather, with a bad attitude and crabby personality. That drives me absolutely crazy.

One of my favorite things...
is turning out the lights, except for the strung Christmas sprinkle lights, and sitting quietly in the dark, thinking, being thankful, being quiet, feeling whatever comes by.

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