SWDB: February 11, 2019

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...

Monday, February 11, 2019

Outside my window...
The sun is actually shining! It has been such weird weather in NH this winter (global warming). Warm like 60 degrees F then freezing in the 30s then zero then 55....this morning as I was trying to get Jack to put on his hat and gloves [a little passion play of the human struggle we like to enact every morning], he says, "Mom, winter is basically over!" "Um, kid, no it's not. We have at least two more months of winter left! Put your hat and gloves on!" [He did not. And, scene.}

I am thinking...

that the use of more than one exclamation mark is annoying (even though I do it) and the use of more than one question mark in an email is downright obnoxious! It really stresses a person out! It implies, "you dummy" after whatever they just said. Example: "Did you finish putting the dishes away?? [you dummy]." I think we should ban it altogether.

I am thankful...

that my children are growing. It is bittersweet, and as predicted, God is delightfully sweeping away all the memories of the trauma and fucked-up-edness that ensued in their years of being little, and all I am peacefully left with is the beautiful photos and the memories of their precious little bodies draped over a shoulder or snuggling into me on the rocking chair. [Not the screaming tantrums and fucking spoiled milk smell everywhere, the piles of filthy tiny clothes that seem insurmountable, or literally cutting shirts off Jack and throwing them away bc he had pooed so much.] I wish for baby moments again. I'm not gonna lie - the thought of swaddling an infant, soothing her, and then rocking her for an hour while I sing is a little slice of heaven. [I have been enjoying this with Baby Zachary, my bf-adjacent grandbaby.] But my children and I are having more fun together now - and we can do things I really like, such as outings, explorations, travel planning, and playing board games, card games, and car games [Laurel, you can imagine the joy I get with these game-players!!!]. They are finally learning to express their feelings in a verbal way that makes sense. Barely. But still, I can see we are making progress. And they can get themselves in and out of the car, the bed, and the clothes, and mostly the bathroom, without me. Phenomenal. Now I can breathe...for a split second.

I am wearing...

my verrry old but still looks new dark red Eddie Bauer sweater - I swear, their clothes last FOREVER! I wish I could afford to buy them more often! I always feel good in red.

I am creating...

...good grief, but there are a lot of projects underway. I echo Val's sentiment, it's all just possibilities and creativity laying around to inspire me [and NOT a mess of unfinished projects, ahem]. There are writing projects, art projects, sewing projects, the infamous "baby quilt" (a ha ha ha, but by God, if I have to sew it from my deathbed ** it WILL happen), unwritten cards that have been earmarked for this person or this (bygone) occasion. Cleaning projects, sorting projects, charity projects, office projects, gardening projects, and journals to document said unfinished projects. Actually, this is making me sick to my stomach. ;) Next question.

I am going...
to the dentist this afternoon. I love the dentist bc for 40 minutes, I cannot get anything else done...and so I have to sit and relax. It is such a relief to be in that chair, escaping from life for 40 blissful minutes. Well, the teeth cleaning doesn't exactly enhance the experience. But nothing's perfect.

I am wondering...

everything. As always. I read Mary Oliver's poem, "Worrying," and I truly meant to get something out of it, I did. I appreciated it because it is wise and she wrote it [may she rest in peace; and come back as part of my life]. But it's not like I'm going to quit worrying. That is hard-wired into my DNA! I am a worrisome Virgo, raised by a sensitive, creative Cancer and a well-meaning, workaholic Capricorn. One was Methodist, one Catholic. Both later Atheists, when I was longing for God. How the fuck am I supposed to escape worrying with that recipe????? It's a LIFESTYLE! The point is, there's a LOT on my mind. All question marks, no answers, as per usual. The one solid thing in my life is my strange little family: ex-husband, two children, aging mother, and half-time boyfriend. Together, they keep the gears turning. I love them.

I am reading...

Well you are not going to believe this, but I HAVE been grown-up reading! I started an Edith Wharton book I truly meant to enjoy but just don't. And then read wayyy into a book called Yoga School Dropout, which is like Eat, Pray, Love on yogic steroids. I am going to try to finish it, but am about 100 pgs from the end and I'm kinda done already. [Note to writer-self: know when to end.] And I finished (!) a tiny book called Seedfolks which I highly recommend to anyone vaguely interested in either gardening or building community...or if you need the accomplishment feeling of finishing a book. A beautiful book by Paul Fleishman.

I am hoping...

to purge the fuck out of my house. Of course I have no time, money (for supplies bc these projects always end up needing supplies, fucking Marie Kondo...), or partner to help with this. But a girl can dream. Maybe I can rope in Rachel....

I am learning...

to not wait for Coach to put me in....but just to run onto the court. So that's what I'm doing. And it feels great!

In my garden...

[i can't even]

In my kitchen...

are the remains of the two - yes TWO - adult-type meals I cooked for the children. Not that they ate hardly any. But at least they got to see what a real meal looks like! #howmanyfishsticks #howmuchmacncheese #saveme

A favorite quote for today...

"Don't accept that others know better than you." - v wise fortune cookie

A peek into one of my days...

One of my favorite things...
is writing. I need to do this so much more often.

Post Script
If you don't know how to get to your goals, just keep walking forward. You may wake up one day and be there! 

Thank you for reading.
~Ally

SWDB: December, 2018

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Thursday, December 13, 2018

Outside my window...
as you are coming up the apartment walkway, you can see our little Christmas tree...and my thriving succulents in their little pots. It is a sweet scene and it makes me happy.

I am thinking...

about what I would like the future to look like - What should it include? What must it have to make us happy? And yes, I do think "being happy" is a worthwhile goal.

I am thankful...

that I had enough real live money - not credit - to get the Christmas shopping done. And that it is done. I also made my blankie for Ethan and game for Silas. Those accomplishments make me feel good. Now it's wrapping and baking time. I do love this time of year - especially when it's not rushed.

I am wearing...

the sweater of a friend from work. She gave me a bag of castoffs and they have breathed a little life into my wardrobe. And I am enjoying wearing her clothes. :)

I am creating...

a poem this morning. A newsletter for my union (have done 10 issues so far). And a long and photo-filled Christmas letter that went out several weeks ago.

I am going...
to take the kids to see a Christmas lights display next week. And to a dance/ballet in January. To California for a union conference and vacation also in Jan. And to the Christmas Eve service - possibly. Haven't decided yet.

I am wondering...

what will happen at work. We are in the middle of a very uncomfortable, uncertain re-org and everyone has been on pins and needles for weeks. It is increasingly stressful and depressing. Holiday break will be a very nice change of scenery.

I am reading...

so many new books once the children open their Christmas presents. Just got my Usborne book order and can't wait to dive in! I am also itching to read some of my own stuff....it COULD happen. Thinking about a nice hot bath and a good book.

I am hoping...

that those who are in my grief group at this (normally) intense and sometimes sad time of year, will know they are not alone and will be able to reach out for help if they need it.

I am learning...

(and only by constant reminders) how to let go of anxiety over the things I cannot change or affect. I am also continuing to learn about waiting. It is often the answer for me these days. A lot of wait and see and don't get too worked up.

In my garden...

Oh, it is very hard to think about my garden right now. I am tangled up over not closing it out fully last year. I am sure there are tools and garbage rotting in my garden plot, or rusting under the tree. If I can get over there this weekend I will at least gather up the tools and get them into my warm office. There were a lot of disappointments in the garden this year, and also a lot of very peaceful, restful moments of solitude. There were a few nice visits too - Mom, Rachel, Hoka, Irv. The children came a couple of times. I just need a home garden; that's all. The seed catalogs are already arriving. But I am not mentally ready to go there yet. And with the possibility of moving this spring, it is difficult to pour a lot of energy into planning the existing garden.

In my kitchen...

it is clean(ish) - dishes are done, counters and table are wiped. Fish have been sorted out. The only things tormenting are the godforsaken paper pile and, on the table, the nonsense kid crap pile. It is all I can do to not slide every single thing in sight into a trash bag. I want to. But that's a really bad idea. (Or is it?)

A favorite quote for today...

"A person's actions will tell you everything you need to know..." (unsure of author)

A peek into one of my days...
includes listening ad nauseum to one irritating co-worker blather, with a bad attitude and crabby personality. That drives me absolutely crazy.

One of my favorite things...
is turning out the lights, except for the strung Christmas sprinkle lights, and sitting quietly in the dark, thinking, being thankful, being quiet, feeling whatever comes by.

Post Script

This is me, at 45. I am relatively happy. I have accomplished some good things. I have a few dreams. I like me. This is me.

 

Thank you for reading.
~Ally

SWDB: October, 2018

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Outside my window...

It is grey. I dropped off the children who are going on a trip with their father tomorrow. I arrived at work and feel like I have traveled 1,000 miles already. It is 8:00 a.m. I am exhausted.

I am thinking...

that I have no idea where my life is going (as per usual). A minute ago, I was buying a house with my boyfriend, kids, and mother to move into. Then someone else got our perfect house. Now we are totally stalled out. I haven't seen bf in over a week for various outside reasons. And a lot has happened in that week. I don't know what I am doing or where I am going. I am so used to this feeling - but it doesn't mean I like it.

I am thankful...

for my beautiful children. They are growing and "becoming" so fast, I can barely keep up. Lucinda wrote me a letter that said, "Dear Mom, I would like to do more reading and writing with you." Yes, please, yes! Jacks just transitioned to a big-boy bike with training wheels, and for the first time in his life, he is showing some hesitation and caution, riding slowly to avoid toppling on the corner turns. Incredible. He is always 1,000 mph speed ahead! I am also thankful we just had a lovely if terribly, terribly brief visit with my sister Lauren, who came to help Mom start the "cull 50 years of stuff in the house" project. Thank you for all your hard work, Lauren, and your tender love. I am going to pretend you aren't leaving this morning. Let a girl dream.

I am wearing...

an old outfit, a junky, not-really-for-work outfit of burgundy sweat-type pants and black and white flannel shirt, ala 1990s. I am so tired I want to be in bed, so this outfit is like being under the covers. ;)

I am creating...

a better home for my kids. Lucy said this week, "I feel more at home at Daddy's." :( We need to deep clean my house, throw out half the clutter shit, and start over. I don't know how long we will live in this apartment, so I better put some love back into it.

I am going...
to scream if this god-forsaken cold doesn't go away this week. I am on day 18, hacking and coughing, sniffling and weary. W.T.F. Super Virus. Fucking super virus. I am also going to quit smoking starting tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.

I am wondering...

so many things. If I am hindering the progress of my little ones by not having enough money to send them to gymnastics, singing lessons, soccer, basketball, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, etc etc etc. Whether S will ask me to pay more of the share of money, even though I don't know how I could. Whether my bf still wants to be with me. How to get everything done at work. How to clean my fucking house, have some down time, see my friends and bf, put to bed my garden, get over this cold, help Mom pack her house, and organize my life - oh, and dye my fucking hair - all in 6 days while they are gone. Seems unlikely.

I am reading...

the Richard Scarry books to my kids last night, even though they weren't listening - they were deep involved in some Barbie warfare/obstacle course scenario. But Lauren and I enjoyed digging deep into the portal of our brainholes and remembering the stories from our wayyyyyy distant childhood. Very satisfying. Good ol' Richard Scarry.

I am hoping...

for some Rachel Time, Hoka Time, a massage, and a haircut. For some money, a trip to Nebraska with the kids, and good Christmas memories. For a beautiful, big-enough house for us all to live peacefully and happily in. For my heart to get sorted out.

I am learning...

What am I learning? Hmm.......

In my garden...

are two bigggg swings that I bought the children, that I very much do NOT want to leave out in the snow all winter to rust. I want to bring them in, but that will require a bunch of non-existent room in my house to appear. Could this happen???? Maybe....

In my kitchen...

are so many papers stacked up that I want to burn the house down. My endless torture in this entire life are the stacks of paper I cannot seem to control, which burden me with their gimme-gimme and their endless tasks that I should be doing. If I could find a way to escape the monster that is paper piles, I might be a more balanced, happy person. I really have no hope of this happening in my lifetime.

A favorite quote for today...

Be like the tree and the birds will come. ~Rumi [I think.]

A peek into one of my days...
Oh nobody wants to see that shit.

One of my favorite things...
is when Jack likes to lie on me like a blanket and cover me, snuggle into me, and body-hug me. That boy is the most complicated person in my life and he has stolen my heart. I love him FIERCELY. I would definitely lie in traffic for him.

Post Script

Thank you for reading.
~Ally

Simple Woman's Daybook - June 14

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Thursday, June 14, 2018

Outside my window...

...outside my - office - window, there is a really ugly cement block and an endless array of construction workers who have been building the same tiny room aside a brick building for months. At one point they tore down the most beautiful huge tree that I have loved for years. They replaced it with a row of little bush/trees (arborvitae?), and left the nursery tags on, so someday, the bushes will grow tall and the birds will have to pick off those labels. When I was out earlier today, I saw one of my favorite city sights - a young preschool worker toting a big wagon filled with children. I love those kid wagons.

I am thinking...

(more like feeling) overwhelmed in my life at the moment. I feel like I am inside a tornado - everything swirling around me, pretty much no control over anything, never knowing what's coming (but it's bound to be familiar and the same and still frustrating). I feel overwhelmed with my schedule, my work and workload, my lack of free time this summer, my total lack of quiet time - except for gardening. I feel panicky about the kids and everything in that world. Strapped and hindered by tight finances. Frustrated with things happening around me that I cannot seem to influence. Having a hard time communicating. Feeling lonely and disconnected. Feeling generally crabby and spent and not "up for" what I need to do immediately.

I am thankful...

that I have a job. That I have a mom who lives nearby - my anxiety and agitation over her being gone this summer is simply due to the luxury of having gotten used to her being around. That I have a few people who dearly love me.

I am wearing...

the tunic and tights - almost the same outfit - that I wore when pregnant with Lucy...and Jack. Hoping nobody remembers or notices.  It's comfortable and I am too tired to deal with fashion today. And it isn't actually maternity-wear...

I am creating...

the most peaceful and beautiful garden this year. I am way ahead of last year in terms of getting my seeds and plants in. I have a lot left to do, but it is all gravy at this point, for the most part. The children came and enjoyed themselves TWICE last weekend - was a God-given miracle. Not sure if they will come again, but I am already grateful for those two visits.

I am going...
nowhere. This is one of my great frustrations. I need some time off and this summer, the time and money simply do not give way to vacations or even many day trips. I am trying to take the kids on some adventures. So any money will be saved for that. Otherwise, I'm just slogging through. I really need a mental break from work and home responsibilities. I need a serious unwind.

I am wondering...

when the next phase of my life will begin - either in the career realm or the home-making realm. H and I sometimes plan to live together, pick out houses and talk about yards and gardens, goats and chickens. Then sometimes we don't. [Hazards of a sun-Gemini and a rising moon-Gemini.] I have big plans for my next career but so many obstacles stand in the way. I am OK waiting for now, and working on my current job, which I at least half thoroughly enjoy.

I am reading...

not much. I started a few books and some even travel back and forth in my overnight bag. But I haven't opened any in a while. I do continue to peruse several child-rearing books. And "what's the deal with boys" books. And I just got "Two Kisses for Maddy" from the library after reading about it online. Haven't opened yet. Is due in a week. ;)

I am hoping...

to come upon some vacation time or some spontaneous quiet time, so I can get myself back in order.

I am learning...

to try totally new methods of relating in my boyfriend-relationship. No sense re-plowing old ground, right? Time to find some new ways of communicating and relating. This process I find to be difficult and confusing...but also freeing. Am trying to relax considerably.

In my garden...

I accidentally let the composter become a house for wasps - even though I was carefully warned against it (via articles read). So that sucks. I am breaking my back lugging gallons of water back and forth bc we haven't had rain in a while and I have a lot of new things planted. I need to replant all the snap peas. And crap! As I sit here, I realize I never "soak and nick"ed the seeds I meant to plant this afternoon. Shoot. Well, I will plant something else then. I need that garden time like it's an anti-depressant. Or coffee. Actually, garden + anti-depressant + coffee is a POWERFUL combination! :)

In my kitchen...

are a bunch of foods my children refuse to eat and none of the three foods they will consume: mac n cheese (Lucy), fish sticks (Jack), waffles (both). Hmm. This is not good. They come back home tonight.

A favorite quote for today...

"Your family is one of nature's masterpieces." I love this. And I do believe it.

A peek into one of my days...

Cue the circus music....

One of my favorite things...

is the ongoing dream to get three dogs someday: an English Setter (mostly white), a French Bulldog (white), and either an Irish Setter or a Sheltie (or an alternate days, a Great Dane).

Post Script

(Jack, Lucy, and friend Piper)

Hand-powered paddle boats at Chucksters - a brilliant invention for little kids (and those of us who always found paddle boats to be fatiguing and annoying)!

Many blessings to you and yours. Thank you for reading.
~Ally

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Tuesday, January 10, 2017 

Outside my window...

It is snowy. It is deep winter in New Hampshire. And I do not hate it. We chip off our car windshields in the morning, feel the whip of icy wind when going between the car and the grocery store, trod through slush in the parking lots, and walk precariously on icy sidewalks while looking up to see black night and snow gently falling, illuminated in the streetlights. It's the North. And some of us love it.

I am thinking...

about my upcoming vacation which my friend has so graciously invited me to attend. In the sunshine. On the beach. Cooking my flesh little by little, like a slow-roasting chicken. Ahhhhhh. Sounds FABULOUS.

I am thankful...

for my friend Rachel. She came into my life at a time when I needed a friend more than ever. I didn't realize she would become a weekly part of my life, someone I looked forward to and counted on. I didn't realize we would be so compatible, even though we are very different in personality and circumstance. She is a balm of comfort to me, and provides me the TLC I so desperately need right now. I love her very much and learn from her every day.

I am wearing...

grey on black. Because it's New England. And winter. 'Nuff said.

I am creating...

a manuscript of poetry.

I am going...
to continue working and reworking three things: my bucket list, my 2017 Resolutions/Goals, and my garden plan for this coming spring and summer. All three of these things give me great joy.

I am wondering...

as always, how to reconcile the strenuous balance of work, motherhood, and taking care of self. Single mother at 43, with two young children, who works full-time and shares parenting. It's a real challenge and that equation is always shifting and changing. 

I am reading...

(oh I can hardly even admit it) large print books from the library on my trip this weekend. Because it has been so long since I got a new glasses prescription - and it was wrong in the first place - that I can barely see to read. My eyes are killing me but I have had no time or money to fix this ridiculous problem. Hoping to accomplish that in February. In the meantime, I will be the one on the beach towel reading the book that even my grandma could read from across the room.

I am hoping...

to get laid. [hahahahaha - that was from 5/2016.......still true.]

I am learning...

to take the long view in many areas of my life. It takes practice. But seems beneficial to mental health.

In my garden...

there are precious strawberry plants - six of them - waiting out winter. I gave them scarves of mulch and straw, but meant to put 3-4 inches of straw over top of them before the first snow - but missed the window. I hope they survive. Those plants represent GREAT hope in my heart. I absolutely LONG for my garden. Every single thing about it was transformative in my life last summer and provided blessings beyond compare. I had no idea how incredible gardening could be for me. I long to dig the weeds, turn the soil, continue working on amending what was the dustbowl I inherited. I am anxious to see what's cooking in my composter, to make sure the yellow jackets don't nest there in the spring, to feed it the coffee grounds and veggie scraps I have been saving. Will the Japanese grass come back? Will the lavender ever thrive? Were those things Jerusalem Artichokes after all, and not just yellow weeds? I think so! Should I plant catmint or try again with a different variety of lavender so I can accomplish that purple swath we dream about.... Am pawing through endless seed catalogs now (dangerous endeavor). I keep redrawing and reconfiguring my garden plan. Companion plantings. Butterfly and bee attractors. Does baking soda really work on crabgrass? Oh........I LONG for my garden so.

In my kitchen...

are the remains of the Christmas cookies. They didn't fit in my suitcase to Nebraska. Then we had to cancel the post-Christmas holiday party with Laurel's family. So now I am stuck with boxes of treats. Ugh.

A favorite quote for today...

"Don't accept that others know better than you." (fortune cookie) (right on!) Also, "Get on board or get outta the way."

A peek into one of my days...

no, not today.

One of my favorite things...

is to keep envisioning my life until I feel stronger and stronger. Dreaming saves the soul.

Post Script

Can you imagine????

Many blessings to you today. Thank you for reading.
~Ally

Simple Woman's Daybook; I'm Back

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...
Wednesday, May 18, 2016 

Well, it's been almost a year since I did any writing here. I am back. There are things inside me needing to be said. Hopefully they will prove worth reading, and maybe give you something to think about (if there is anyone left out there reading this blog!). I have written prolifically for the last two years straight - journaling, letters, the best poetry I've ever written. But have shared these writings with only a tiny handful of people, mostly only with my friend Irv. Suppose it's time I talk to the wider world. Here goes.

Outside my window...

somewhere, is a garden plot...MY garden plot...at the Community Garden in town. Which happens to be located right next to where I now live. I have requested a plot and am anxiously [read: increasingly impatiently] waiting to hear if I got it and which one is mine so I can start rototilling, staking out, and planting my salad garden and flower/serenity/playtime paradise. I have more plans, and more seed packets, than the state allows. ;) But no plot. Yet. Maybe today.......?

 

I am thinking...

a lot about how to be virtuous vs. how to be true to oneself. You might think these go hand in hand. Well, not always. Because virtuous seems to refer to how others see you, what your reputation is, and how you conduct yourself in the world according to the world's ideas, schemes, and models. True to oneself is much more subjective, more introspective, harder to find and understand, and then harder (for me) to embody. Of course it would be easier if we all agreed to the same "rules" of how to live this life. But we don't. And no, even guides like The Bible and other holy scriptures are not clear, in my opinion. Too much room for interpretation, too much space for disagreement. Only I can know myself though, really, and at the end of the day, it is I that has to go to sleep and wake up to me. I need to find a "me" I can live with. Even if you don't approve. Even if you don't agree. Even if it wasn't even remotely what I expected or envisioned. Is there virtue in that? 

 

I am [so] thankful...

for Sarge, my very dear old friend who recently passed away. Buddy, if you could go, I would take you out for lunch today - how about at The Brown Bag Deli - and then a visit to the Bead store and League of NH Craftsmen Gallery and the jewelry store your friend owns. Everyone loves to visit with you, Sarge, and I love to hear your stories and share mine with you. Just about everything is fair game. And you are always interested in what I have to say. We laugh a lot. Then we can stop at our favorite cemetery, where your sister and my dad are buried, on the way home. Put a rock on her gravestone, prune the flowers on top of his gravesite. And then I will drop you off and you can quick pick some dandelion greens from your yard for me to take home for salad (they aren't too old and bitter yet). I love you Sarge. Always will. xxoo

 

I am wearing...

the green shirt that always makes my boobs look enormous, the one with the Eiffel Tower on it. I can never decide if I really like this shirt.

 

I am creating...

[well, I should say I am trying to create...] a home, a safe and comfortable place for my two babies to come to, rest their heads, decompress from their busy days, and feel at ease. I am trying to create a place of love, happiness, honesty (we feel and express our emotions), and forgiveness. A place where "I love you" and "I'm sorry I hurt you" roll easily off the tongue. A home in which art and music are made, the body bursts into dancing and laughter, sometimes tears, sometimes wrestling, and always learning. A home where friends feel welcome, family wishes they could come more often, and the ones who live there are happy to return. A place where you can be nourished just by stepping through the door.

I am going...
to travel this summer, for a few days, with the friend I made on the Washington trip last summer at this time. Rachel has become a very integral and important part of my life and mental health :), and I look forward to exploring the Berkshires with her, on garden tours, and presumably, tours of wine and cheese. Mmmm, wine and cheese....

I am wondering...

how long it will be until the time where not everything in my life is in flux. I have been in an unbelievably uncomfortable state of transition for the last two (or more) years. It has gone on so long that I have almost gotten used to the feeling of continuous angst, and answering people's questions with, "I have no idea; [insert any topic] is a shit mess." That said, I sure would like one or two things to get sorted out, resolved, and hey, even get a chance to settle in for a while. You know, relax.......wha??

 

I am reading...

well, listening to, We are Water on 19 discs in the car. I am on disc 13. Wally Lamb does it again, folks. Fascinating, intriguing, complex, thought provoking, anger provoking, DEPRESSION provoking, and generally, hard to turn away from. It's not as devastating (to me) as She's Come Undone or as life-changing as I Know This Much is True, but it's massive and it's good. So many different viewpoints explored in one dysfunctional family - that's always thrilling. Again I found out that Rebecca does not share my taste in authors - shocking and disconcerting as always, and also interesting. I know this because I was listening to the discs all the way down and back from Pennsylvania to her house a few weekends ago and told her about the book. Which led to a great book discussion and a long list of "must reads."

I am hoping...

to get laid.

 

I am learning...

so much about the field of education that I will probably work in this industry for several years. I have some other aspirations, and they include going back for a Master's, but will save those for another day.

In my garden...

will be flowers - large, tall yellow and also medium red sunflowers, irises, potted flowers including bunny tails, bunches of nasturtiums, lavender, clover, chives w pink flowers, marigolds, red flowers from red runner beans, and whatever Rachel's little heart desires (I sanctioned off some spots for her growing pleasure). Also, salad - funny-colored carrots (pink, purple, orange, white!), peas (maybe), pickling cucumbers, tomatoes, two kinds of lettuce, and herbs: dill, rosemary, basil. And succulents in a beautiful blue ceramic pot next to the wine center, I mean sitting area, I mean wine center. :)

 

In my kitchen...

is a mess. Where the hell are the butler and the maid anyway? Did someone give them the week off??

 

A favorite quote for today...

"Be true to yourself and let the chips fall where they may." Also, "Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe." [it usually is....]

A peek into one of my days...

get up super f-ing early, hang w kids, try to get kids dressed/fed/pottied/brushed/out the door without Armageddon ensuing (today = success! thanks to Jack and Lucy's hard work), drive to Henniker for daycare/school dropoff, drive back to Concord for work, work 8-4 with some time jammed in there to run home and collect stuff needed for tonight, pick up kids in Henniker immediately after work (=continuous rushing), take them to Scott's to hang out with me and maybe eat early dinner, drop at Maddie and Lukey's for playdate while I go to school meeting re: Kindergarten registration, pick up sleepy kids, drive home to Concord, put kids to bed (try to force toothbrushes into their locked mouths while they sleep to remove "sugar bugs"), flop onto couch to watch Weds night sitcoms and crash, be pissed I forgot to buy ice cream on way home (really hate that), think about going to bed early, don't go to bed early because Nashville is on at 10 and c'mon now...., pass out to be quickly awakened by "Mommy, Mommy" from Jack a few times and then Poof - morning again! Rinse, repeat.

 

One of my favorite things...

is writing letters on beautiful cards in Gibsons' new coffee shop "True Brew." It's nice in there, sunny and quiet but bustling, a nice combination.

Post Script

This is us.

 Me, loving my job as an event planner for education professional development

 Jack (3 1/4) and Lucy (4 3/4)

Me and the babes, last fall

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned.
~Ally

 

Simple Woman's Daybook

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

For Today...Monday, June 1, 2015 (which happens to be National Cancer Survivors Day)

What a wonderful day, June 1. Summer! And a shout out to Aunt Anne, Amy, Doris, Grammie Ruthie C., Grandma Dorothy, Emerson, and all the other amazing friends and family members who have managed to kick cancer's ass so far!

Outside my window...

Birds are singing their individual, melodic songs. Jackie's love for birds (and all things sound, really) is giving me a new love for the sounds around us in nature, and specifically, a desire to learn more bird calls.

I am thinking...

About what is really important in a marriage. I have been thinking about this all year (decade, lifetime...). For me, the most important things are: that the two people mutually share love, communication (especially verbal, but also affection and acts of service), sex, and the willingness to resolve conflict together. And loving Christmas can't hurt either. I just added that last one in there for fun.

I am thankful...

For a loving family - my first family of Mom, Dad, Lauren; my very loving and accepting extended family, whom I miss terribly on a pretty much continual basis; and my created family of friends and of the "family unit," being Scott, Lucinda Grace, and Jack Lawrence. Though all of them challenge me in a thousand ways daily, they also make me a much better, stronger, more loving and compassionate person, and they all bless me with endless unconditional grace. Thank you for being mine and I will try to be my best for you.

I am wearing...

my favorite purple shirt. Periwinkle. What a great color.

I am creating...

a manuscript of poetry, mostly new writings from this past year (some of my best, I think), that I would very much like to read publicly soon, like in Mom's circle, and that I hope to turn into a book, possibly titled, "Hard-Won Truths: Poetry on Love and Life."

I am going...

to Washington D.C. in a couple of weeks on union business - my first trip away alone without the kids - and I am excited. Have nothing, absolutely nothing, to wear. Hope to fit in time for a museum or two. Haven't been to Washington since I was a teenager, and a lot has happened there since then. Would love to go with a history buff, or with a week's time to meander in my favorite style of exploration (museums, churches, monuments, tour the White House, great restaurants and music, ride the bus all over the place, that sort of thing). But this will be a short trip, and I will be traveling with work friends (=basically strangers). So I am keeping expectations low, will be thrilled with anything, and am hoping very much the hotel has a pool! Yeehaw!

I am wondering...

how to create the type of family and life I want to have, as it does not seem to fit in the traditional mold, and almost none of the models shown to me seems quite right for me and Scott. I am wondering if God's grace is big enough to make a new path for us. I believe it is. But apparently grace does not equal easy or straightforward. I suppose that is okay (and fitting).

I am reading...

The Five Love Languages again. I am learning a lot about things I could have (should have?) done differently in the past and trying to learn as much as I can for the future. I think my love language is "words of affirmation" closely followed by "physical touch." Regardless of your relationship status, I would recommend this book because it is highly insightful and helpful in understanding yourself and the others with whom you live, work, and play. I remembered it as being more religious and preachy than it actually is - a nice realization that I can read it again with no personal hindrances.

I am hoping...

to visit my friends one of these years: Rebecca and Andrew, Kate, Amy, Juli Squires, Beth/Doris/Kelly in CA, Davy J in NYC, Robin in Canada, Prudence, and all the other old, tried and true friends whom my heart longs for with enormous weight.

I am learning...

how to honor time for myself, how to protect and cherish it - that quiet, that stillness, or that blessed exercise, whatever - even if it sometimes makes me lonely because once I spend time with myself, there is no more time left for friends. It is just.so.important. Healing and energizing. And VITAL for figuring out the thorny decisions I am facing and honoring the suffering and joys that are happening amidst everything else.

In my garden...

is nothing. I asked Irv to build me a raised garden bed/trough for our porch, so I could garden with Lucinda (and Jack). Then I got overwhelmed with every other effing project that needs doing and told him to hold off. Now I am waffling back the other way and thinking how nice it would be to have something living, growing - like fresh lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, herbs, and cucumbers. Honestly, I have no idea how to garden. I remember years playing in my mother's garden in Brookfield. It was so beautiful, so organized, so full of life (and worms)! Someday. Truly, someday...

In my kitchen...

are several groceries to make several delicious, home-cooked meals and it's been too stinking hot to turn on the oven or stove to make any of them. My little daughter loves to help me cook, and we really enjoy making muffins and cookies together, or quiche, or soup. All of which I have the ingredients for...maybe this afternoon, as it is cool and rainy today...

A favorite quote for today...

A peek into one of my days...

[nobody wants to see that kind of crazy. I live with toddlers. 'nuff said.]

One of my favorite things...

is writing alone in a coffee shop for hours, while drinking a delicious coffee or mocha or cappuccino. Even better, doing this with a friend who enjoys the silence too for reading or writing, and every once in a while, coming out with something you just have to share, then back to your book...deeeeelightful. (Miss you, Kate, and Juli.)

Post Script

(this amused me this morning...)

(hahaha)

Love, Ally

SWDB: This Thursday in June

The Simple Woman's Daybook

June 14, 2012
Outside My Window...the sun is shining through the leafy trees. It is summertime in New Hampshire.

I am thankful for...my darling daughter Lucy, who is growing in leaps and bounds, faster than I can keep up with her, and who is stretching my heart every day. She is easy to love, easy to marvel at, easy to forgive. Lucinda will turn one in a few short weeks. How is that even possible?

I am thinking...about how to reconstruct the pieces of my life that have fallen into disarray. I read on a bumper sticker this week, "The problems we face cannot be fixed by the minds that created them." This is not good news, if it's true!

From the kitchen...Lucinda can see the back yard during her baths in the kitchen sink. She has decided to love her baths again, for which I am endlessly thankful, as they are so fun again. She has two rubber duckies who join her, and another yellow plastic toy that pours water out. She sits in that "tub" next to the huge pile of dishes stacked in the dish drainer and is just every bit a part of our every day life. Reminds me of my baths in the sink with my cousin at Bass Lake as a kid.

I am creating...a Thank You project for me and the husband to do on a daily basis, as we are both feeling underappreciated and undercherished at the moment. gotta remedy that. [hmm, I am going to leave that answer in there from April...as I never did it and we are still feeling this way. goal: complete this project.]

I am reading... absolutely nothing right now. Who has time to read? I am a mother who gets no sleep! OK, well I am occasionally reading from "If the Buddha Married," which is a very good and insightful book but kind of aggravates me because the Buddha WAS married when he up and left his wife and child for his spiritual quest and never came back (as far as I know). So it's a little hard to take marriage advice from that guy...

I am hoping... to see the mother bear again in our yard. I guess I shouldn't be hoping for that, but I long to see her and feel her presence and I find myself looking for her both day and night. "Am I not with you, I who am your mother?" ~ Virgin of Guadalupe

I am hearing...messages in the stars lately. The Big Dipper and The Summer Triangle have been quite comforting.

I am wearing...the one pair of shoes I could afford this year, b/c I bought them with a gift card of Scott's from Christmas. Am not loving the extreme limitations of this half-an-income thing. It is harder and more trying than I thought.

Around the house...progress is being made, one tiny corner at a time. We have never had such a hard time unpacking or settling into a house, but then again, we never had a baby before (together). Scott's mom is coming to visit soon, so that mere fact will likely jump start the mad cleaning and organizing into gear. 

I am going...to attend a yoga in the park event next Saturday (hopefully) in Henniker. The thought of doing group yoga, outside, is very appealing. I have been trying to start meditating again, and doing yoga on a regular basis. I need some serious centering and balancing right now.

One of my favorite things...is going back to bed on weekend mornings, because my husband is great about taking over with Babykins so I can catch up on a little sleep. She is up several times a night these days, and we are failing miserably according to the sleep training methods, but such is what it is and we love her and this will not last forever. But crawling into bed and pulling the blankets over my head while I know the two of them are fine and having fun is sweet, sweet bliss. Thank you, Scott.

A few plans for the rest of the week...are visiting with two dear friends in Vermont this weekend who are needing some love and laughter these days. And celebrating Father's Day in whatever manner Daddy sees fit.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

 Lucy in Mama's hat from when she was a baby. photo by Scott Snyder.

 

Lucy playing in the sandbox at her wonderful baby sitter's house this summer. photo by Jenn Dennis.

I've been missing my Dad terribly lately. Needing him. I love this picture, waving from the bottom of the world's largest pyramid in Mexico (I was on my way to the top)...

feels like he is still waving from where he is now.

 

Dad in Mexico, on a wonderful trip with us the year he died. Love you.

View other entries at The Simple Woman's Daybook. And write your own!

~Ally

Simple Woman's Day Book

The Simple Woman's Daybook

April 5, 2012

Outside My Window...it is cloudy and chilly, the perfect weather for Maundy Thursday.

I am thinking...how there must be so many lonely mothers who have decided to stay home with their kids to raise them, but are desperate for some adult human interaction, especially in the late winding hours of afternoon.

I am thankful for...my parents having stayed together all those years, because even though I don't know how to do it, i know it can be done, and that gives me hope.

From the kitchen...i should be making some banana bread to thank that lovely mom in town who gave me a bunch of leftover baby food jars and diapers, via our new babysitter.

I am wearing...a bizarre, somewhat mismatched outfit. maybe today is the day to get my clothes unpacked finally and sorted out. oh, but a nap seems like a better choice...

I am creating...a Thank You project for me and the husband to do on a daily basis, as we are both feeling underappreciated and undercherished at the moment. gotta remedy that.

I am going...to try and join the local Zumba class on thursday nights. i really want to meet people, and do something active and fun. my hearts needs this.

I am reading... Joshua: A Parable for Today by Joseph Girzone.

I am hoping...to revive our family happiness in this new town and new house. already scott seems much happier here than in our previous home. but miracles take time and i am hoping that bit by bit, we will both come to a place of joy and contentment.

I am hearing...my father in my head a lot lately. he always seems to be sending me messages and for the most part, they are less judgy and more gentle than when he was here on earth. my view of life after death changed somewhat while reading a silly novel called "Saving Fish From Drowning," and i now always think of my father as possessing divine all-knowingness in his new status, whatever it may be. it has helped our "relationship."

Around the house...is one chaotic pile of mess after another. we moved about two weeks ago and i had work conferences going on at the same time. we have barely had a chance to stop and breathe. we have a LOT of work to do to get this house feeling like home!

One of my favorite things...is regular old day-to-day life with laurel, and i got a slice of that heaven last saturday when she came to visit overnight with the boys. i just wish we lived in the same town. i really need that daily-ness for the health of my soul. it fills me up so beautifully.

A few plans for the rest of the week...are continuing to prep for my next upcoming conference at work, and then unpacking and family time - hopefully a little bonding - and then some friendly socializing over Easter dinner at mom's with some of her/our friends. lucy does love her some partying.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Miss Nine Months Old, as photographed by Daddy, Scott Snyder, this morning.

And tomorrow is the full moon...
View other entries at The Simple Woman's Daybook. And write your own!

~Ally

Snapshot of Today

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY, January 10, 2011

Outside My Window...is that perfect blue night-approaching sky, the color you can only see between dusk and darkness. The world is illuminated in beauty and possibility.

I am thinking...that many of you may not know yet that I am pregnant. And happy to be so. And finally content.

I am thankful for...having a job and going into my second year there. My boss is wonderful and I have learned so much in the past year.

From the kitchen...I really ought to be making something tonight. I have done so little cooking, as I have been sooooo tired. I think tonight will be taco night, with a side of rice with corn in it.

I am wearing...one of the few pairs of pants I can still fit into. They are stretchy. Oh, the power of the drawstring.

I am creating...human life, as I like to remind Scott. ;) Well, I am merely the vessel. But it is pretty amazing to think of a real living being inside me, akin to Sigourney Weaver in "Alien"...or maybe something more beautiful than that.

I am going...to really purge this house of unneeded stuff. We gotta make room for another person in this life of ours, not to mention this condo. I have too many knick-knacks (yes, Laurel), and books, old clothes that don't fit and bags of projects I might do SOMEday. When IS this someday and how on earth will I have time for all those projects??

I am reading...

well, I WAS reading "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius," by Dave Eggers, when the news hit and the hormones came on, full force. And then I hibernated for three months. And here we are, week 14, and I am getting a semblance of energy back, ever so slowly, and now all I can seem to read is "Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy" and "What to Expect When You're Expecting"! So cliche. But, mama's gotta conserve her energy. And Dave Eggers isn't gonna tell me what the hell a tilted uterus is! But I really do need to get back to that book...

I am hoping...that Michele will know how much I love and respect her and not have to stop talking to me because I got pregnant (though I would totally understand if that is the case. We have both been through the ringer...).

I am hearing...ick, and SMELLING, the cat going potty in the catbox. Damn supersonic sense of smell!

Around the house...I still have my Christmas decorations up, and this weekend - yes - they really are getting packed away until next year.

One of my favorite things...is spending time with friends, and I really, really miss them all. So many dear ones too far away. I need some girl time, some coffee time, some gay best friend time, some walk and talk time, some drinks after work and laughing our heads off time.

A few plans for the rest of the week...include some horrible dental work - expensive and painful. Good times. Me on Wednesday and Scott too, on Friday. But then a hopefully relaxing three day weekend with Martin Luther King Jr's Bday on Monday.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

cranberry bog

flowers in Kashmir

(both photos from the Web)

And there you have it, my Simple Woman's Daybook. View other entries at The Simple Woman's Daybook. Try writing one yourself if you feel inspired.

~Ally